you say

we need to talk,
i feel how much sexual tension is going back and forth between us,
i just had to talk to you about it before you spent the night again, because if we didnt talk about it i feel like something would happen,
i know i have been sending you those signals,
i have feelings for you,
thats why i couldnt dance with you at the club the other night, i knew something would happen,

darling, what you dont realize is that i have had it bad for you for almost 2 years,
what you dont know is how hard that has been to hide from you,
never in my wildest dreams did i think you would feel the same way,
i wish i could help who i am attracted to as well,

then,
we are interrupted by one of your ex-girlfriend waking up and coming outside,
then the neighbor wants to chat at 12:30 in the morning,
and were alone again sitting on your bed,

you say
this is so fucked up,
this is hard,
i dont know what im thinking,
i dont know why my mind is going there,
i see you different,
i feel like there is a weird power dynamic between us,

this is fucked up, this is fucking hard, welcome to my world,
i feel like we have been equal for quite a while now,
but i know you havent seen it that way, which has been hard for me,
thats what you meant when you said that,
did that,
wanted me to hold you those nights,
im not stupid, i could tell there has been something there the past few times we have seen each other,

we play mixed cd after mixed cd until it is 6:30 in the morning,
the sexual tension alone keeping us awake all night,
fighting every instinct we have, so we didnt go there that night,
we decided to not do anything, think about it,
talk to a few people,
because this situation really is that fucked up,

we drive each other crazy all night,
touchier ourselves all fucking night,
no physical contact necessary,
we can barley make and hold contact,
but we both love this game,
push ourselves to the limit, pushing boundaries till we dont know if e can take it any longer,

you just want to fuck,
you want to be lovers and maintain our friendship,
i would like that,
but what i really want is your heart,
i love you,
and i want to be with you in a different way,

i have considered saying that i dont want to,
in hopes that sometime in the future, this will come up again,
and you will be ready for a more committed relationship,
and then i think about how i dont want to let the only chance of being with you as more than a friend slip through my fingers,

fuck.

thats all it would be to you.

meanwhile,
i am heart broken,
confused,
angry,
etc..

i hate how complex the human heart is,
how complicated emotions make life,
how much feeling hurts,

in a way,
it would be easier if we had gone on,
without you ever seeing me,
without you ever realizing you were attracted to me,
thus is life,
we will see what happens, love.